A Little Insight
by alliejgk
Summary: He may have finally realised, but she's moved on... or has she?
1. Chapter 1

_**AN: Apologies to those who have read my story 'Letters', as I have used the same reply in this story. The thing is, when I was writing 'Letters', I kind of ran out of inspiration for the second chapter. However, when I was scrambling around for an ending, I had a new idea of a different context for Clark's reply. So anyway, just thought I'd post it as well and see what you think...**_

Clark Kent had been helping his best friend Chloe Sullivan pack. She was moving to Star City, for a permanent job as 'Watchtower' for the _JLA_. She'd lost her job at the _Daily Planet_ a while ago and _Isis _wasn't an option any more, seeing as Lana was out of the picture. However, Clark thought the main catalyst for her move was that her once- husband, Jimmy Olsen had died a few months ago. He had been killed by Doomsday, Clark's nemesis. Feeling unbearably responsible, Clark had 'turned tail and run', walking away from Chloe in her hour of need. Despite the countless times she'd saved and consoled him, he still felt still left her- no- abandoned her.

Being separated from Chloe hadn't worked out all that well for Clark. He was used to calling her five times a day, or super speeding to her apartment most evenings. He had also realised, that he was a lot more aware of Chloe then he'd known. Deep in his subconscious, he could hear her heartbeat. Not that he wanted to be intrusive or invade her privacy in any way; it was just as if the sound had become engrained into him. He was so accustomed to listening for trouble and using his super hearing for mundane things, but now all he heard was Chloe. Without seeing her on a daily basis, the sound intensified and after just a week without contact, he realised he had to go back to her.

When Clark had turned up at her apartment after his revelation, he had found her grieving- but not just for Jimmy. He realised that when he had left her, he had left her completely alone. Well, she had Lois, not that she was much help. Lois Lane- Chloe's cousin- was as self-absorbed as it was possible to be. Yet she and Chloe were like sisters, so Clark suspected she'd been somewhat of a shoulder to cry on, even if it was only briefly. Other than that, without Clark, she must have been very lonely.

After that night of repeated apologies, begging and tender consoling, he'd managed to grovel his way back into her life. His re-established friendship hadn't changed her decision to move though. Obviously the prospect of a new start and a job with a collection of superheroes had been too good an offer. He did have to admit, Ollie Queen AKA 'Green Arrow', was a very welcoming and conscientious host. However, he also had to admit that he was damn worried about her. Occasional work with the _JLA _didn't bother Clark, he knew she was safe then- mainly because if she was helping them, chances were, he was too. This was different though, this was every mission, without him to protect her. True, she'd be back at base, acting as 'Watchtower', but it didn't take a lot to piss some people off and he knew it was far too easy for her to be tracked down.

Despite his worries and attempts to convince her to stay, here he was, cleaning out her desk into various boxes. In true Chloe style, it was chaos! Paper everywhere, from bills to collected newspaper articles. In some respects, Clark thought this desk pretty much displayed her life; everything of importance seemed to be in here. He wondered why he'd been entrusted to sort out such a blatantly important section of her belongings. Although, Clark thought, knowing Chloe, she couldn't bare the boredom of sorting through it all for hours. She liked to be pro-active about things, taking a head on approach to her packing. Sifting through piles of memories was not something she had time for.

Clark had just come across a few photos of Chloe, himself and their old friend Pete at the High School newspaper- 'The Torch'. They all looked cheerful and care free, especially Chloe, which was surprising, considering she worked on that paper for hours and hours into the night, every night! She'd always been a workaholic; it was something she'd never grown out of. Tucked in between the last two photos though, he found something he would never have expected to find. It looked perfectly insignificant, just another scrap of paper, not unlike the many others he'd turfed out. He was drawn to it though, had just had to read it, to see what piece of genius had sprawled out of Chloe this time. He'd always loved to read Chloe's writing, whether it was a huge exposé, a tiny review on gym mats or inconsequential drabble about nothing. He decided he was particularly drawn to it because it was on pink paper, not Chloe's usual choice. It started;

'_I want to let you in on a secret...'_

Clark paused, was this a diary of some kind? He hadn't known Chloe to keep a diary, but he guessed it wouldn't be a stretch to imagine her writing down her feelings or deepest thoughts and secrets. This thought worried him; he didn't want to read something personal to her. Yet he was compelled to continue, he couldn't resist, in all honesty, he wanted to know the secret.

'_I'm not who you think I am. In fact, my disguise is so thin; I'm surprised you haven't seen right through me. I'm the girl of your dreams masquerading as your best friend.'_

Oh crap, definitely personal. Although, strangely familiar, had he heard this somewhere before? Surely not, but it triggered something, a distant memory in the corner of his mind. Why on Earth would he have heard this though? Why would he have read this before now? Stuff privacy, he was too intrigued to stop now;

'_Sometimes I want to rip off this facade like I did at the Spring Formal, but I can't because you'll get scared and you'll run away again.'_

Spring Formal? It was about him. It was a letter to him.

"_So I decided that it's better to live with a lie than expose my true feelings."_

True feelings? Feelings implies more than a crush he thought hurriedly. He'd known Chloe had had a crush on him in High School, but nothing major, surely? When did she write this? WHEN DID SHE WRITE THIS? 'Calm down Kent', he muttered to himself. Obviously it was a long time ago, probably freshman year, maybe sophomore at a push. He read on, now panicked but still compelled;

'_My dad told me there are two types of girl; the ones you grow out of and the ones you grow into, I really hope I'm the latter. I may not be the one you love today, but I'll let you go for now, hoping one day you'll fly back to me because I think you're worth the wait.'_

Clark let out several deep breaths. He'd never read anything so passionate. Well okay, it wasn't passionate in the conventional sense, and he had a feeling that if Chloe was writing it today she'd have a very different style. But she wasn't writing it today, it was a long, long time ago. She didn't feel that way anymore. To his surprise, this saddened Clark. Not that he had feelings for Chloe or anything. All the same, it was nice to have someone write you a love letter, whether you were young or old, whether it was a crush or the real thing. Heck, this letter was more than nice. It was incredible. Such raw emotion, it was intense just reading it, he couldn't imagine the way Chloe must have felt when she wrote it. He'd supposedly been in love with Lana Lang- the girl next door- for years, but he could never imagine writing her a letter of such deep devotion. He'd had brief relationships with Lana in the past, but he never felt he could truly trust her. That was one of the reasons they'd drifted apart. He could never imagine Lana accepting him so completely that her feelings remained unchanged. But here was Chloe, not only accepting him, but more than willing to wait for him. How had he been so blind?

He must have been really concentrating on the letter because he didn't hear Chloe walk in. She'd obviously been watching him stare at the letter for a while, without him realising, because she eventually said,

"I never meant for you to see that Clark." Her voice was so soft it was barely audible, but it still shocked him out of his reverie. He spun around to face her. He assumed his expression must have been amusing in some way because he could tell she was struggling to repress a giggle.

"When did you write this?" Hi voice was shaky as he echoed his earlier thought.

"Erm, well... it was sophomore year." She looked at her feet, this confrontation was obviously embarrassing her, yet she mumbled, "When you got really sick that time." He remembered it well; he and his mother had been exposed to some kind of kryptonite dust, which hadn't had a desirable effect on either of them. They'd eventually been cured by his spaceship, but only just in time. He remembered his father telling him Chloe had visited him while he was unconscious. He was sure he'd mentioned this to her after his recovery, but she'd never hinted that anything had happened during that visit. He just presumed she'd sat with him for a while, maybe brought some grapes?

"Why didn't you mention all this afterwards?" He said, gesturing at the letter, still clenched in his hand.

"Why do you think Clark?" She said with an edge of annoyance to her tone now. "I was terrified to tell you when you were out cold, let alone to your face. Besides, it didn't matter then."

"Why on Earth would you think it didn't matter?"

"Because I knew how you felt." She snapped back at him.

"Chloe, how could you possibly know my reaction?" He was trying to reach out to her, but she was closing herself off, blocking him out.

"I got to hear your reaction Clark, your true reaction at least."

"I don't understand Chlo."

"I poured my heart out to you and the one thing you said in return..." She started off boldly, as if she'd been waiting to say this for years, but as she neared the end she trailed off.

"What Chlo, what could I have said that made you think all of this didn't matter?"

"Lana."

"What? What's Lana got to do with this?"

"That's what you said Clark, 'Lana'." Finally he understood, he'd shot Chloe down. He could feel the pain of the memory radiating out of her. He knew that unconsciousness wasn't even an excuse for his blunt dismissal of her words of love. He frantically tried to remember, but it was hazy even for his usually accurate mind. He guessed the illness had affected his memories. He wanted to console her so badly it hurt, but he couldn't find a way. He cared for Chloe so much, but he could never articulate his thoughts, in the sensible yet poetic way she did. He didn't deserve her, or her words. She was far too good for him, far too special. She was still staring at him, composed now, impassive, displaying no emotion what-so-ever, as if she didn't care for him, as if all her love was gone, never to return. He'd thrown it away that day and he'd never again have the chance to claim it back.

He remembered all the times she'd offered herself to him, each time; all he offered her was rejection. He was a jerk. The Spring Formal, where they'd come oh-so-close to kissing. _If only, _Clark thought, _if only we hadn't been interrupted, that could have been the start of a blissful forever. _ In sophomore year, there had been a time when she'd been infected by an adrenalin-inducing parasite and he'd been on Red K. They'd partaken in a pretty hot make out session, which Clark had to admit, he still dreamt about. Or even when she'd drunken a kryptonite infused sports drink- 'pom-pom juice' as she liked to call it. He remembered that time vividly, Chloe had approached him wearing nothing more than his football jersey, coming very close to acting out one of his more private fantasies. He realised- a little late- that Chloe was damn sexy and he'd been a massive ignoramus for pushing her away, again and again. As he became lost in thought several things became clear to him; one, he shouldn't have passed on Chloe's countless invitations, two, he'd been lying to her and himself when he said she wasn't what he wanted, and three, he'd never get those times back, he'd missed the boat entirely. Clark's head was pounding; all these thoughts and emotions were paining him more than kryptonite. He felt moisture swimming in his eyes, tears falling down his face, embarrassed or not, he couldn't stop it, couldn't control it, just as he had no control over Chloe.

"Are you crying Clark?" She said this in her usual snarky tone, but under the surface he could hear worry and shock. He realised he never cried in front of Chloe. Despite all the shit they'd been through together, she'd never seen him cry. He had to be strong, had to be her protector. If he wasn't that then what was he? He had superpowers, he saved people all the time, but nobody ever knew it was him, only Chloe. He was Chloe's hero if no one else's and he had to preserve that. If he was going to salvage any of that hero status he needed to stop crying now, but he couldn't seem to. The silent tears kept falling and the emotion in Chloe's eyes returned. He saw ten years of friendship in her eyes; understanding, sympathy and as always with Chloe- amusement.

"I'm sorry Chlo." He managed to murmur.

"I guess you're not invulnerable to everything." She replied, obviously choosing to go with sarcasm rather than empathy. Yet another classic Chloe manoeuvre. He couldn't hold back a little smile at this.

"No, not everything." He said, trying to convey some sort of deeper meaning. _Not you._ He stared into her eyes and he thought he saw a flicker or understanding. She had to understand what she meant to him, that she could wrap him around her little finger with one mischievous grin, that he is and would always be hers. Her hero. Or at least he'd try.

Clark felt the stare become intense and uncertain, he couldn't bear to look into her knowing eyes any longer. He broke the connection between them and glanced down to read the letter again, reaffirming himself with its message. Parts of it spoke to him, the truth dawning on him after all these years. The girl of his dreams was his best friend; there was no doubt about it.

"_My dad told me there are two types of girl; the ones you grow out of and the ones you grow into, I really hope I'm the latter." _This line struck him hard, Gabe Sullivan had definitely been right. There had been two girls in his past Clark thought he had real feelings for, the aforementioned Lana Lang, who he had certainly grown out of and Lois Lane, who he'd grown out of almost as quickly as he'd grown into her. He had to admit that Lois had been a fleeting crush without any substantial meaning beneath. A simple crush- just what he thought Chloe had in high school. He'd been wrong there.

"_I may not be the one you love today, but I'll let you go for now, hoping one day you'll fly back to me because I think you're worth the wait." _ In Clark's opinion, these were not the words of someone with a mild crush; these were the words of someone in love. He ached to say them back to her, after all those years of her pinning for him, he wanted to offer her some relief, and he wanted to return her love. Alas, he was too late. He'd missed his chance, thrown it away without a second thought. What an idiot.

Clark had no idea how he'd gone from cleaning out his friend's desk, to being unconditionally and irrevocably in love with Chloe Sullivan. But here he was. He struggled frantically, grasping for any coherent thought. He had to say something. He needed to tell her something. But what?


	2. Chapter 2

Chloe Sullivan stared intently at her best friend. His dark brooding eyes were brimming with tears, and this scared her more than anything; more than the fact that he'd just discovered a rather embarrassing love letter she'd once written to him and more than the fact that he was surely about to break her heart yet again. She ought to be used to that by now, she thought wryly to herself. She'd lost count of the amount of times Clark had fractured her heart, but she knew it was enough that the next time might just shatter it for good. The tears slowly began to trickle down his face, running along his chiselled features before eventually dropping off his jaw, falling silently on the paper his was still holding. Each tear left a solitary track, seemingly scaring his beautiful face, leaving a mark of raw emotion for all to see. Chloe wanted so badly to comfort him, to wipe away these marks of weakness, but she couldn't move.

As she stared at Clark it became apparent that he was sifting through thoughts, memories. She could tell by the varying expressions fleeting across his face. Some of sorrow, some of joy and some of confusion. Chloe wanted more than anything to see what he was seeing, to understand the torment he was enduring, the torment that her ancient words had caused. This made her feel slightly guilty, but most of all, it annoyed her; what right did he have to claim this sort of emotion now? After all her years of pinning and heartbreak, how could he suddenly decide her words meant something to him? He'd dismissed them all those years ago and he'd dismissed her with them. Okay, so it had taken her a while to get over him, try about 4 years, and she had tried it on with him a few more times, but he'd always had the same reaction- just friends! Heartbreak.

Chloe hated the bitter track her thoughts were taking when Clark was so obviously rethinking their entire past, but she couldn't help it, Clark had pushed her too far and there was no way she could turn back to him. Not after she'd worked so hard to pull away. _I'm leaving! _She thought. Nothing will change, I'll be far away from here and he can go back to eyeing up Lois. _Lois, _Chloe thought with resentment, how could he possibly have picked Lois, her own cousin! Not that she had any sort of claim over Clark, or who he dated, but he'd always hated Lois. What had changed? She was of course aware that they were now partners at the _Daily Planet. _Chloe sighed restlessly; it was like they were cheating on her in her own temple. Not that they were cheating on her in any way, really, in fact there was no real grounds to call it cheating at all. Lois had of course known about Chloe's high school crush and Clark, well she assumed Clark was pretty much ignorant with anything concerning her, seeing as in Clark's eyes she was just a buddy, one of the guys, nothing remotely similar to a female. Her feelings wouldn't mean anything if the two of them got together, after all, it was supposedly just a silly teenage crush she'd had. She could never let anyone know it was anymore than that, otherwise her cover would be blown and her greatest lie uncovered.

Turning her attention back to the huddled mass of kryptonian, that was now shaking quite violently in her office; she felt she should say something. But what?

"Come on Big Boy, get a grip. It was sophomore year, why should it matter now?"

"Chloe..." he stammered out. She really didn't get Clark sometimes, Chloe was more than aware how oblivious he was to her womanhood, but surely he'd known about her crush in high school- he'd asked her to the Spring Formal for heaven's sake. Why was this letter so earth-shattering? She didn't get chance to ask this, because he was off again; "I just don't see why you didn't let me know about this," he obviously saw her eye roll as he corrected; "I mean, about your feelings for me. I know I was pretty hung up on Lana, but things could have been different."

"Different how Clark?" She was pissed now, how dare he pretend that he would have changed for her, how dare he ignore her persistent heartbreak. Nothing would have been different and he knew it. "There's no need to coddle me with lies. I know how it is. I'm not a pathetic little kid anymore. You broke my heart and you would have done it again, so let's not pretend anything would have been different Clark, because we both know it wouldn't have!" she was full on yelling at the end, but she didn't care, it felt as if she'd been waiting to get this of her chest for years.

"First off, who said you were pathetic?" Clark's voice was raised and this surprised Chloe a bit, she was used to him taking the tactful yet whispered route. "And second, don't act like you're the only one who's known heartbreak. Newsflash, I wanted to be with you more than once and you turned me down pretty hard." He was yelling to now, but it didn't surprise Chloe as much as what he'd just said.

"You wanted to be with me?" She definitely wasn't yelling anymore, in fact she was barely audible, but she knew Clark could hear her. He couldn't mean that, she couldn't think of one time he'd ever shown interest in her, and she would have remembered! He must just be lying again. "Don't be stupid Clark, you've never been interested in me, I'm just the sidekick and I accept that. You were in love with Lana and now you're in love with Lois."

"Lois?! What the fuck?!" he interrupted using a very rare expletive.

"I was never part of the picture." Chloe continued, sounding truly beaten.

"Never part of the picture huh?!? What about the time you dumped me after the Spring Formal, I was all up for working through it, I wanted to make it up to you, but you just dumped me. Or maybe the time we kissed at the _Daily Planet, _you can't just blame that on the end of the world. You were all I thought about when I was stuck in the _Phantom Zone, _all I thought about was getting out of there and finding you so I could kiss you again. Instead, when I got back you shoved Jimmy in my face. Hell Chloe, I don't think I've ever gotten over you, I still have fantasies about the time you came onto me in my loft wearing my jersey or the time we made out in the _Talon..." _He trailed off, realising his slip-up. Chloe was overwhelmed, all this time she thought she was just pointlessly pining for Clark, when in reality, he'd been dreaming about her too. But what was he talking about, _The Talon? _She recognised most of the memories, but this was new.

"Made out at _The Talon?_" Chloe repeated, uncertainly rolling off her in waves. "You want to run that one by me Farm boy?"

"Erm... well... you know... maybe that was just one of my fantasies or something, it's not like it ever happened."

"You don't sound so sure. Come on Clark, what are you talking about? When did we make out?"

"Well, you remember that time in sophomore year when you and Pete were infected with that parasite from the caves?"

"Oh my God. Lana said she caught you making out with some girl she didn't recognise and... Oh shit it was me... Clark what the hell? You were crazy about Lana, hadn't she just agreed to go out with you? What the hell were you playing at? And why were you macking on me when I was... not myself?"

"Chloe, I know it seems bad, but Pete slipped me Red K, I wasn't myself either. I didn't mean to take advantage of you."

"Take advantage of me? Back up Big Boy. What exactly did we do?"

"Well.... You know... It just got '_heated_' okay?"

"Heated? As in further than third base?"

"Whoa. No. Just first.... well that's not entirely true... more like second."

"Okay, so tongues and petting or hand job? People have different definitions these days."

"Petting? Chlo, are you actually giving me a technical description here? And, well... probably somewhere in the middle."

"Okay. Well, I guess that's better. At least we didn't... well you know."

"Yeah. I guess. Anyway... I think we've gotten slightly off focus here."

"Wait a minute, I haven't finished yet."

"Oh Boy."

"Calm down, don't stress out, I won't press you for details any more, I just... needed to know. Why didn't you tell me about it afterwards? I mean, that's still pretty major Clark. And are you honestly still fantasising about it or did you just think now was a good time to poke fun at me?"

"Chloe." He sounded distressed, but that didn't answer her questions.

"That's not an answer Clark. Come on, man up here. I can take it, tell me the truth."

"I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to be mad and I didn't know how to explain it to you, you didn't know about my secret back then and I was too scared to tell you everything. Yes, I still think about it now, frequently if I'm perfectly honest, it was the hottest moment of my life, hopefully that will convince you that, no, I was definitely not poking fun at you." He sounded mad. Chloe stepped back, partly from shock, but partly she just wanted to get away from the angry kryptonian. He couldn't be serious; he couldn't be telling her this now. _Hottest moment of his life? _She couldn't help letting her ego inflate a little. Hotter than Lana? Wow. But no, she couldn't get carried away, this couldn't be real. Of course- it couldn't be real- maybe he was under some sort of influence again, or possessed by a phantom? Chloe looked up into Clark's eyes, searching for some sort of answer. All she saw was a sweet, vulnerable boy, looking back at her, waiting for an answer himself. She didn't have one though. For the first time, Chloe Sullivan was speechless; her sarcasm had completely abandoned her when she needed it most. So she turned her back on him and walked away.

She got to her bedroom before she felt his masculine hand on her wrist. He wasn't gripping her hard, forcing her to turn to face him; he was just there, showing his support, resorting to gentle Clark. His voice echoed this when he said;

"Chloe, what would happen if I said something like;

'_I want to let you in on a secret.... I'm not who you think I am. I'm the boy who was too blind to see how amazing you are. I'm the boy who is hiding behind excuses and the boundary of friendship. Right now I want to rip off this facade, but I can't, because you've moved on and I'm too scared that you'll reject me. So I've decided to carry on hiding, because living with the lie may be painful, but it's softer than your dismissal. I'm a coward. I may have been confused in the past, my judgement clouded by girls I grew out of, but now everything is clear. I think there are also two types of boy; the ones you discard because they simply aren't worthy and the ones you grant a second chance, the ones you take a risk on. I really hope I'm the latter. I may not be the one you love today, but I'll keep you in my heart, forever wishing I could have flown to you faster. And if you ever chose to forgive me, I will be here waiting; waiting to love you more than any girl has been loved before- because I think you're worth the wait.'"_


	3. Chapter 3

Clark had no idea where the words came from; they just appeared in his mouth, pre-packaged and arranged, ready for use. In a strange way he felt as if he'd always been waiting to say them. And now, there it was, out in the open. She could trample all over his heart, but somehow, he didn't mind. He loved Chloe Sullivan with every fibre of his being and now she knew. It may have taken a good kick in the right direction to uncover these feelings, but he was aware of them now and he definitely wasn't going to ignore them anymore. He was terrified and wanted more than anything to hide behind the safe and secure friendship boundary but he couldn't go back there now. He'd said his piece and all he could do was wait for her imminent dismissal. Because of course that is what it would be, a dismissal, a rejection. He knew her love had been and gone, he knew that he was too late to claim it, so there was no point in raising his hopes. However, he also knew that now he was aware of the love he felt for her, he could never look at any other woman. She may have been able to move on from her schoolgirl love, but he was an adult now, an adult that knew he had found his soul mate. Whether she wanted him or not, he would always be hers.

Clark wanted more than anything to be the boy she gave a second chance, but he understood that Chloe simply didn't have those feelings any more. Clark was sat on the sagging red sofa in the loft of his barn at the old Kent farm. He had many happy memories here, but none of them could eclipse the sorrow he felt for losing Chloe. After his rather unexpected speech at her apartment, where he confessed his true feelings, albeit, still trying to preserve their friendship- promising he would maintain the status-quo, mainly to keep her in his life. She had asked him to leave, very softly, barely speaking as if she was scared her voice would give away too much. Clark had been expecting her to turn him down, but he couldn't deny that being shunted away had hurt. He realised he loaded a lot onto her though, hell, in half an hour he'd gone from being her best friend to a guy proclaiming that he would always love her. He remembered his words;

'_I may not be the one you love today, but I'll keep you in my heart, forever wishing I could have flown to you faster. And if you ever chose to forgive me, I will be here waiting; waiting to love you more than any girl has been loved before- because I think you're worth the wait.'_

How had he expected her to react? He knew he would have bolted if someone had flung all that on him. He hated himself for burdening her, for hurting her. More than anything he hated that he'd hurt her. When he'd left her bedroom that afternoon, he didn't need his super hearing to her the unmistakeable sounds of her sobs. Why had he done this to her? He should have known that bringing her old and forgotten feelings to the surface would have pained her. He should have realised that his words would have reminded her of all the times he'd broken her heart. Clark slouched down on the sofa and became lost in thoughts of regret and happier times.

He didn't know how long he stayed like that, but by the time he heard his phone buzzing on the trunk in front of him, it was dark outside. He saw the clock on the screen; 23.45. He clicked onto the text message flashing at him. It was from Chloe. His heart skipped a beat.

'**Can we talk?**'

Clark considered the message; did she want to see him? Or would it be safer just to ring her? He was just about to dial her number when another message came through.

'**Maybe you could come over?**'

Relief washed over him, she obviously wasn't fuming mad if she wanted to be in the same room as him. He jumped into super speed before he could think it through any more.

Standing at the door of her apartment in Metropolis a few seconds later he felt oddly timid. Usually he would just walk in, but today was different, things had changed. Hesitantly, he raised his hand and knocked on the door. When Chloe appeared she had a look of complete confusion on her face,

"Why did you knock?"

"Erm, well, I just... isn't that what you're supposed to do?"

"I guess, but you never knock. Anyway, come in." Clark was worried she'd be mad at him just for knocking, but apparently she was over it. "You can take a seat through there, can I offer you a refreshment?"

"All right Chlo, no need to take the piss." She looked taken aback, for Clark, phrases like that were pretty rare.

"Oh, I'm sorry, tetchy tonight are we Clark?" She seemed to have regained her confidence and with it came sarcasm. Clark couldn't tell if she was using this jokey demeanour to hide something else, or whether she was just going to bypass awkward and jump right back into friends- pretending that nothing had happened. He couldn't deny that the two of them had perfected this tactic over the years. But he wasn't sure he wanted that this time. Of course he wanted to do whatever made her most happy and comfortable, but he didn't think avoiding and ignoring the situation entirely was the best way to do this. As he thought about this, he remember her text;

'_**Can we talk?**__' _

So she wanted to discuss something, which, he thought ruefully, could be a good or bad thing.

"What did you want to talk about Chlo?" He tried to sound as gentle as possible, but he couldn't help the slight edge in his voice.

"I'm sorry I told you to leave earlier, I know that must have hurt after the things you said to me." Typical, she was thinking about him, Chloe had a tendency to forget about making herself happy if others around her were even the slightest bit gloomy. Not that her compassion wasn't a good thing, he'd lost count of the times she'd managed to drag him out of a mope, or make him laugh despite anything else that was happening around them. She could make him laugh like no one else could and that was just one of the many things he loved about her. But right now she was serious, trying to console him, despite the fact that he should be the one apologising to her. Apologising, he thought, was all he did these days, so much so, that he was surprised she hadn't given up on him long ago.

"Chlo, you've got nothing to be sorry about. I'm not surprised you asked me to go. I had no right to pile all of that on you, it was selfish of me. I know I've pretty much run out of chances for your forgiveness, but I promise you what I said was true; I'll always wait for you. Not that I want you to feel pressured or anything. I mean that I'll always be waiting for you to take me back as a friend, but I'm fully aware that you may not... sorry I'm rambling. I just don't know how to fix this." Clark collapsed onto the sofa and hid his head in his hands, shielding himself from the world, but also trying to get a hold on his emotions.

"Clark." She sounded gentle, but he could tell she wasn't trying to comfort him anymore. He couldn't bear to look at her beautiful face, he felt unworthy. "I know you're beating yourself up, and I guess you're right, it was quite a lot to take in. But I've been thinking about the things you said all day, and I have to admit I'm a little confused to say the least. Could we maybe talk about it for a while." This hadn't been what Clark had expected at all, in fact, it scared him a little. He expected her to scream and shout or banish him from her life forever, at least then, he'd know where he stood.

"Of course Chlo. Whatever you want."

"Umm, thanks. Well, the things is... when you said you were going to carry on hiding and pretending because it was easier, did you mean it?"

"Well, I didn't want you to feel pressurised. I didn't want you to feel like all I wanted was your love, because I'm happy with any part of you I can get. So if that means your friendship, then I'll do all I can to protect that, which I guess would mean concealing my true feelings. That makes me sound like a martyr, and that's not what I meant it to come out like... In all honesty, I was telling the truth when I said I was a coward, I'm too scared to make myself fully vulnerable to you, because I know you'll reject me."

"Clark you don't know what I'll do."

"Come on Chlo, we both know you're not going to go down that road again. You said yourself you've had your heart broken too many times. I know you don't have those feelings anymore and I accept that. I just... I had to let you know where I stood. I'm sorry if that mucked things up. I wish I hadn't said anything."

"Well, that makes you braver than I am, but don't be sorry Clark. I wouldn't want you to take it back, it was the nicest, sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me."

"Chlo, you don't have to try and make me feel good okay, I know I overstepped the mark. We're friends and I should be happy with that... I am happy with that."

"But I'm not..."


	4. Chapter 4

_**Author's note: **__Sorry that this final chapter has taken so long to happen, but I lost inspiration after ch3 and never picked it up again. It was only after a review from _**mktoronto **_that I remembered it was on here unfinished. I thought I'd come back to it and try and salvage some sort of ending, but I didn't do a very good job, so my apologies. I would edit the whole thing if I could be bothered, but you know what life's like, and I never have the time. So yeah, this is a complete fluff piece, so I hope that's okay. Apologies again that this doesn't particularly flow or contain any worthwhile writing but you can find previous excuses listed above. _

_So finally I wish you all a very merry Christmas and offer you this closing chapter to a story which needed an ending, if only for my own piece of mind. _

_Allie._

Chloe sat cross-legged in the middle of her bed, her soft sighs the only thing to be heard. For three hours her body had heaved with sobs until exhaustion had taken over and replaced her tears with quiet contemplation. She desperately needed coffee but her legs just wouldn't comply to her wishes- the kitchen was apparently too far away. If coffee wasn't available then sleep was the next best option, however, this time it was her overactive brain that wouldn't play along. All afternoon it had been running through every possible memory and scenario involving Clark at breakneck speed. To say she was tired was an understatement, in fact she was tired, fed up and a little bit pissed off. She wanted it to be over with already, but she knew they couldn't escape it this time, she and Clark would have to have the dreaded confrontation. It had only taken them about fifteen years, she thought ruefully. After all, ever since the day they met and shared a mutual first kiss, unresolved feelings had always been brushed under the mat between the two of them.

Turning on 'reporter Chloe's' can do attitude and finding her usual sarcasm and wit again, she built up the courage to talk to Clark. Well here's something we can tell the imaginary grandkids, she thought with a grin; 'and then Grandma sent a text message to your Grandpa Clark. What's a text you ask? Well that's what we used to have before holograms and teleports.' Before she could scold herself for her own poor humour, there was a knock at the door. Her legs seemed to be working perfectly now as she jumped off the bed with only a brief glance at the clock, wondering who would be knocking at this time of night. Logic told her it wasn't Clark, answering her request to see him, because Clark never bothered to knock.

When it did turn out to be Clark at the door, she offered him some of her rejuvenated sarcasm and tried to hide the fact that her stomach was doing backflips and the butterflies were trying very hard to flutter out. She'd spent the whole afternoon trying to convince herself that the shocking events of the morning had all been a dream and that there was no way on Earth (or Krypton) that Clark Kent could possibly be interested in her, and by succumbing to his beautiful but untruthful words she was only setting herself up for more heartbreak. The only problem was, that no matter how much she berated herself, she had, and would, always love Clark. Despite everything that had happened before, despite the pain and disappointment, she still loved him like she loved no other, and she had always been waiting for him to return that love. So with that thought overpowering every negative and countering arguments she made, Chloe arrived at the conclusion which had her standing in front of the boy she'd always loved, about to take yet another chance with her heart.

She heard him talking about how he could be happy with returning to their eternal game of cat and mouse in the grey area of 'just friends', and the answer was out of her mouth before she could change her mind. She wasn't happy with turning the clock back this time, there was no forgetting what had been said and the repercussions of their feelings. She wanted to know, for sure, if this time, after all her years of waiting, she could finally be enough for Clark Kent.

"But I'm not."

The words echoed around Clark's head. He knew that he'd been sat, frozen in shock, for several long and silent minutes, but he just couldn't form a reply. Every time new words came into his head they quickly vanished, after a new wave of disbelief crashed over them. The only coherent thought he managed to salvage, was the question currently running through his mind on repeat; 'Is she saying what I think she's saying?'

Could Chloe Sullivan, his best friend turned unrequited love interest, really be telling him that she wasn't happy with keeping to the status quo of 'just friends'? Was she really giving him a chance at something more, after his unexpected confession of love earlier that day? It was too much to believe possible. Clark was stuck in the age old dilemma of pinching one's self in order to get back to reality, when Chloe's voice once again broke through his reverie.

"Come on Clark, say something here. You look like your trying to find the words to let me down gently and I really don't think I can deal with you breaking my heart again." She sounded insecure, not something Clark tended to associate with Chloe, but before he could reassure her, he heard her mumble something else under her breath. "I thought you wanted me."

That one, hushed confession broke Clark's heart into a million, insignificant fragments. Finally he understood Chloe's pain, he felt every scratch of disappointment and every scrape of rejection, every tiny bruise and gaping wound of agony that he had caused her, hit him in that very moment. It was enough to draw tears from his eyes.

"Chloe, please, never think that I don't want you. Even though I never showed it very well, you have to understand, that underneath it all, you were the only one I wanted. Lana was just an idealism of normality; a fantasy of what my life would never be, that I clung on to. The thing was, it was never real, and I was never me. You're the only person I can be myself with Chlo; the only person who can make me smile just by rolling your eyes, the only person who can know what I'm thinking and finish my sentences, and the only person who is always by my side- no matter what. That's why I love you. I don't know why I didn't see it before, but I understand now, and if you want me, then I'll spend every day healing the cracks I put in your heart."

_Six months later._

To: Clark

From: Chloe

Are you coming home now, or are you going out on patrol?

To: Chloe

From: Clark

Just about to leave the planet, on my way home. See you soon.

To: Clark

From: Chloe

Bring coffee!

Clark laughed at his girlfriend's request, as if he would possibly forget.

After the initial fiasco of Clark admitting his feelings and Chloe eventually believing that he wasn't lying to her, the two had settled into an easy and comfortable relationship. Everything seemed to be so much easier when you were dating your best friend. Sometimes people said they were moving too fast (basically Lois), but the steps just seemed to follow on naturally to them- after all, they'd effectively been together for years. Clark was reminded of their 'first date', or more appropriately the conversation beforehand:

_It was a few days after their 'talk' when Clark walked in to Chloe's apartment, only to find her in the middle of trying to fix a burst pipe. _

"_You know this is usually the sort of time that you call upon your super powered best friend for a little assistance." He said with a smirk, watching Chloe's body physically jump with shock._

"_Well, about that," she replied turning to face him with a smile, "I may have been a bit nervous to ring after… everything, but now that you're here, fancy lending a girl a hand?"_

"_Chlo, you shouldn't be nervous- it's me- I'm not a different person just because we're now on the same page."_

"_I know, I know, stop with the sappy already and fix my pipe farm boy. Put those muscles to good use, hey?"_

"_Well, seeing as you're in better spirits already, how about I tell you why I stopped by in the first place?"_

"_Colour me intrigued…"_

"_Well, Miss Sullivan, I was hoping you'd do me the honour of going out on a date with me."_

"_A date?"_

"_Yeah, our first date."_

"_Clark, you do realise that we've been practically dating for fifteen years now, just without the benefits?"_

"_Well, now I'm entitled to those benefits, I intend to take full advantage of them!" Clark replied with a wink before stealing a quick kiss._

"_Speaking of benefits, how about fixing that pipe with your shirt off?"_

The date had gone perfectly, the cliché of a movie and dinner, with even a goodnight kiss on the doorstep, after Clark had been the gentleman and walked Chloe home. After that everything fell into place. Chloe had explained her change of mind to Oliver, who was more than willing to accommodate and she now ran _Watchtower_ from Metropolis via satellite.

By the time a month had passed, they were the picture of an ideal couple; with a date night, stolen kisses behind closed doors and the unpreventable smiles and stares usually found on love-struck teens. To the outside world they were yet another pair who had found love, but to Clark and Chloe, it was a revelation. They were finally both in a relationship that worked; a relationship full of honesty, understanding and enjoyment. A romance that could only have a happy ending.

Clark arrived home, coffee in tow, to find Chloe glued to her computer screen- as usual. He still marvelled at how, just by seeing her, it was as if a light had been turned on within him. He instantly felt happier, contented and complete. The only thing that ever bothered him now, was one incomprehensible 'what if';

What if he had never found that letter?


End file.
